I wanted to take a moment to offer up what's alive in me, share & come to completion regarding my experience in LA last week.
Not certain if time & space will allow for us to communicate over the phone & needing, for me atleast to put pen to paper & reflect on the past couple weeks as I transition into the next.
Thank you, first and foremost, for reading and most of all, the honor & privilege to be a part of the gathering. On a personal level, I found it to be the sweetest way to complete my time in Hawaii, land in the space we created, and launch into the preparations of the journey I am about to embark on.
I will do my best to be concise, but as Dane knows i can ramble, but I stand committed to speak from the heart and at times it is full.
I'd like to speak to the experience from various points; personal, logistically (my role) & hopes for the future.
The following is notes, images, feelings & thoughts felt during my time at the Gathering. It's my stream of consciousness that I sat & wrote out over the past few days. It is, for all intents and purposes, how I navigate the threads that come up time & time again that I observe within myself. Many times feeling real, owned & valid, other times needing my compassionate, loving adult self to soothe and say, "that's not true". This all serving as information for how I move forward, where I choose to focus my efforts and what is in need of further TLC & healing.
And so I'll begin...
Being seen & unseen
Fear of it & desire for it
The questions: "Where are you from?" & "Who are you with?"- complicated & a yearning for an answer that I can stand in, stand for.
Witness, Guardian, Grounded, Emo Guru
Seva-selfless service, mirrors, systems
silence speaks volumes, observant, choke on words
Ego, doubt, feeling left behind
Where do I belong?
Where, who are my mentors?
Crave reflection on how I'm seen showing up (or not)
I watch my envy of those younger
living in a time where naming & identification invites healing, collaboration, opportunity to live authentically, free of the years/decades of baggage that is still being unpacked of....
"What is wrong with me?"
Ancestral, familial, familiar wounds
rejection, suppress,oppress, invisible, judgement, vitriolic, microaggressions, coded language, manipulative, gaslighting
dismissive- "you're being too sensitive, it's not a big deal, it's simple"
Exiled, movement, seeker, displaced, stuck, Freedom
Push/Pull of Queer & assimilation/attunement
(white) elephant in the room
denial, masks, not spoken, not real, avoid
moving towards/running away
grounded in movement, paradox, belong
~That's what has come thru so far...
As far as my role, logistically, if there is any feedback and/or reflections you may have for me I'd appreciate it. And keep me in mind for the next one. Now that I've experienced one, like we all have, it would be interesting to continue to build and be a part of what has been created- knowing it could and likely will be something totally different next time. I'd be happy to send along my CV so you can see my event organizing & logistical background ;-).
One thing Dane I observed was as the scene came into clearer focus for me and I could proactively anticipate needs of you & the group, I recognized how many little details you were holding and continued despite my ability to carry and my hope is, in the future, whether with me or others that delegating & boundary work receives the attention needed in order for you to successfully hold eagle vision. You are worth it ;-)
And lastly, hopes for the future.
And so I'm about to go do this thing...
And I gotta tell you, there were moments last week when I took pause, in particular when the elephant was in the room, and thought, "man that money I've saved up could really support....it's selfish....privileged. I wanted to get to work & felt the urgency. That has happened a few times over the past year. After spending many years involved in Social Justice issues, taking a break in Hawaii, working with privileged, Two experiences I'll share, one with an image & one with a song that brought tears to my eyes. One was an image over a year ago while attending a Inner Child workshop, of MLK, the other was while dancing with Melissa and the song from the Selma movie came on. I feel my next call. I'd love to share my experience of growing up in the South and envision me returning here once this passage is complete, to support and collaborate with the Queer & Trans people of Color in the South. Locations I am considering are New Orleans, LA & Savannah, GA.
And I have faith that this experience, this pilgrimage, is going to show me & bring to completion.....________________. And will ground the aforementioned.
In the meantime, wow, two organizations that are resonating with me currently, in addition to YPW and Golden Bridge are Street Poets & Fierce Allies. I'll continue to tend those fires as I move forward. With respect to Golden Bridge, I'll be in communication with Melissa about what that looks like, all I know is that music, movement & dance contributed greatly to the healing in mind, body & spirit I have experienced & living the question of what that looks like continues to manifest.
In regard to YPW, in addition to looking to next year's Gathering, I know you saw me when I stepped into the circle. Two things; CCP working group & the Outreach Coordinator position. Lets chat about what that looks like & in the meantime, I'll send my resume.
I have one final question. When I look at the YPW map I don't see (very few) activity in the south. Is that true or have they just not been located yet?
I'll pause now.
Safe travels home...I must continue packing (& unpacking)