I read an article the other day entitled, 'Writing a Haiku Every Day Changed My Life' & thoughts on engaging in this medium as a way to pay close attention to what is vital and most important (to me) continued to tap me on the shoulder, insisting "pssst, do it".

The article's author stated, "When you spend this much time looking for something, you start finding it everywhere." He spoke of love everyday. I will speak of life everyday- connections to, attunements to & trust in... and hold a precious faith that what will grow will speak of love.

To be honest, unlikely will you hear me speak of love directly. For now, it is too much, too heartbreaking, too foreign (personally, interpersonally & globally). I'm recognizing I've had a willful arrogance re: Love and I have a desire to apprentice to & be in intimate conversation with the Beloved, the Lover of myself, who will assist me in putting the pieces of myself back together, rather, most likely, show I have been whole the entire time. Instruct me on how to be in this world as it is and create change, to be of service, to actively participating in the healing; this I have been doing unsustainably. Logic knows this, but heart & body insist on dropping the protection of denial for the attention of self-assurance. And so it hurts like this right now: 7 Hours by Little May https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7DK1LBJYSc

AND as painful as it all feels at times I may share what brings me comfort in these (& my) dark times. So you may find me injecting music (that inspires and artistically expresses where I’m at when words aren’t cutting it, epic dance, ridiculous cat- (I still don’t get why I’m so tickled by watching these videos) & just things that make me go wow videos here, because I am following this advice (& I have nothing to lose for doing so): “Take special notice of the humorous situations that prompt you to laugh the loudest...Any time you roar with spontaneous amusement, you will know you have touched a congested place in your psyche that is due for a cleansing.” I’ll add, I’ve been taking special note of the heartbreaking situations that prompt me to shed tears....anytime I wail with spontaneous e-motions I know I am touching held grief, anger & frustrations that are begging to be let go of and transformed.

So I write A Haiku Every Day To Save My Life- I did come to this island in the middle of the pacific ocean with an active volcano to do just that. And only now, 8 months being here, am I seeing any semblance of truly engaging in this effort, as longing becomes stillness & paradoxically movement, black & white becomes gray, control rejects me and the windows are cracked & the doors unlocked, inviting curiosity to return home. Gifting myself time every day to “looking....finding it everywhere”.


And simply, I begin...

Inspired this morning when facebook informed me I had been friends with Becky Clough for 7 years. Believing it has been longer My friend, my muse, kindred spirit, my sister, daughter, mother. I could go on...

Haiku #1 11.14.15

Reflection of wow

Lion, mermaid, dragon fruit

Bold anchor dance me

I'm also grateful to the infamous Almost (& Janna Pate- to write & to live) for their inspiration

SLIP https://open.spotify.com/user/1227844758/playlist/2XdNvrwdiajNsIKC5SOKb6


Haiku #2 11.15.15

Senses as I wake

Rainbow, breeze, moaning from high

2 out of 3 stars.

I wake reciting the Serenity Prayer & this song in my head.

She Doesn’t Mind- Sean Paul https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbUBMklQSV

#F*CKOFF cazimi, or “in the heart of"

Haiku #3 11.16.15

Rested or boredom?

WTF am I (doing)?

Acceptance and numb?


Haiku #4 11.17.15 To be truly seen By eyes of another face Begin with your eyes.

Woke up with this song: All around the World https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCKxfxvJ9YE

And this which inspired the Haiku today- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIAwd7GhcMU


Haiku #5 & #6 11.19.15- Created with various song lyrics this morning

Altar in the world

All these small things gather round https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3VMCHKwnH0

Show me where you fit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p6PcFFUm5I


One touch is enough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EidCx-idrw

Enough rain to make your storm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF7CAY1WDOs

Sway, just move with me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n7Jjpx4s2A

Haiku #7-#11 11.24.15


I ball my eyes out

I say, “pull it together”.

That stern voice I know


Notice the new beat.

Dancing to a different drum

The rhythm is slow.


Stop that. Stop what? Guilt.

It means I have some control.

Obviously not.


Last words, “You’ve got this.”

“Eyes”, “you’re the best you’re the best”.

Neither are with me.



Question every move.

“You look like you smile a lot.”

My face muscles hurt.

*Bonus Track

Follow the heart lines.

But how, when they are broken?

Start clowning around.

Haiku #12 11.25.15

How do I practice

art of losing control when

I am impulsive?



This mug is with me on the Big Island, HI. It's weird the things you feel you can't live without & ship across the pacific ocean to bring comfort. The mug bought at the MLK Center in Atlanta when I visited for my 25 year HS reunion last year.

Yesterday was the 13 year anniversary of my departing Atlanta, the south, my home and heading west to Phoenix, AZ, then Rollinsville, CO, then Moab, UT & now Hawaii. My heart races just reflecting on it. That shit's real.


I love this picture, not just because of the community (people and place) I love that surrounded me that day, but because I really see me looking at you, looking at me. It's real, vulnerable, mischievous, mysterious, embodied. It grounds me in times, such as these, when I'm palpably on an island in the middle of the pacific in a rainstorm and I can't see more than a 100 yds in all directions. Heart lines serve as road maps when the path is unclear. I'm grateful to you.


Haiku #13 11.26.1

"Power at its best is LOVE implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is LOVE correcting everything that stands against LOVE." MLK

Lighthouse of my heart.

Like a chart with no ocean.

Look at where we are.


Haiku #14 11.27.15

Com, means ‘together’.

No human is an island.

passus, means ‘a pace’.

“Faith cannot be defined within the compass of human thought” Author unknown



No Haiku today

I’ve got more to say with heart

bleeding for healing.


Last night I wrote this:

How do I go peacefully?

I don’t want to die in pain.

“You already are dying in pain”

Please God show me the way

I feel trapped in my body

Unable to move

My alter, my body


My inner child

My precious lil Jenny

Sugar Bear

I’m a sweet Bear

And a force to be reckoned with

And I’m scared shitless for the

future I see

It’s fucking nuts

My heart breaks

We are such a fearful

people, us humans.

My heart raises at the

thought. How do I

protect you?

You didn’t fight for me, stand up

for me

I miss my Daddy.

My Guru

Helping me make decisions

Why am I so proud?

They have always helped you

financially when you’ve asked

What do you really want to ask?

Please take care of me

Take care of this mess (pen running out)

That I’ve become

I need you Stephanie

I’m scared

Everything hurts & then

they’re gonna be gone.

“They’ve been gone from the start”

-unreliable, undependable WTF?

Heather’s mom

Parallel lives, I’m always a bit

ahead. Whose next or was I


Rob’s grave. carol’s registry

My loving, gracious father.

Give me, tell me adjectives

that describe your experience

of Steph dying & subsequent

inability of your surviving

daughter unable to see your

first born’s only surviving

son. O’ & did I mention

my dad’s dad died in a car crash too?

“Tell them about Red Mountain Pass

You don’t want to take that

to your grave.”

That shits real

Hungry Ghosts (pen fading again)

sam(sara) pen fade....

sara who? You went to her after (me).

sara phillips

Becky Clough - sisters.

I love you Baby

I love you too.

You’ve got this, go take care of

your parents, your folks.

Mom & Dad.

I want to sail to you

sail to Sweden, Belgium, Copenhagen

Prague- I don’t think that’s possible

Just sounds cool.

I want to sail with artist

funny people



Your timing is impeccable

Where have you been all my life?

What fucking took you so long?

So much pain

Can I recover?

Where do I begin?

I’m stuck, can’t move


The intensity

So painful

She writes like poetry (Sophia)


Minister the people

Council of All Beings

Support, not carry

the weight of the world.

It’s time to grow up people

& stop behaving like selfish


maybe it’s not selfish but

self care got such a bad

rap with the onslaught of

time & work

And now look at (pen fading) US.


Loving yourself

is a revolutionary


And it will save


the world pachimama

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ~ Louise Erdrich

Your imagination is the engine of your destiny. #tellstories #superpower #magic #glory

Rob Brezny

Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. Through some hocus-pocus you don't fully understand, you are still breathing and your heart is beating, even though you have been unconscious for many hours. The air is a mix of gases that's just right for your body's needs, as it was before you fell asleep.

. You can see! Light of many colors and shapes floods into your eyes, registered and transmitted to your brain by a complex web of neurons that took Goddess or evolution billions of years to perfect.

. The interesting gift of these vivid colors and shapes is made possible by an unimaginably immense globe of fire, the sun, which ceaselessly detonates nuclear explosions in order to convert its own body into light and heat and energy for your personal use.

. You can raise a glass of water to your lips. You can button your shirt. You can wash your hair and beat on a drum and draw infinity signs on a piece of paper. Your hands work wonderfully well. Your heart circulates your blood all the way out to replenish the energy of the muscles and nerves in your fingers and palms and wrists. And after your blood has delivered its blessings, it finds its way back to your heart to be refreshed. This astonishing mystery recurs over and over again without stopping every minute of your life.

. Language is another stupendous marvel. Millions of souls have cooperated intricately for untold centuries to cultivate a system of communication that you understand very well. Your ability to speak and read and write makes you feel strong and dynamic. It provides you with a crucial resource to make sense of the riotous cavalcade that always surrounds you. It enables you to indulge in one of your favorite pleasures, which is to hear and tell stories.

. According to my inside sources, you have personal possession of the universe's most monumental and mysterious accomplishment. We take it for granted and refer to it with the pedestrian term "consciousness" . . . but this mercurial flash and dazzle that whirls around inside your head is outlandishly spectacular. You can think thoughts any time you want to -- soaring, luminescent, flamboyant thoughts or shriveled, rusty, burrowing thoughts . . . thoughts that can invent or destroy, corrupt or redeem, bless or curse.

. But wait. There's more. You can revel and wallow in great oceans of emotion. Whether they are poignant or intoxicating or somewhere in between, you relish the fact that you can harbor so much intensity. You cherish the privilege of commanding such extravagant life force.

. The best part of being in possession of the universe's most monumental and mysterious accomplishment is this: You have at your disposal a prodigiously potent creative tool. It's called your imagination. If there's a specific experience or object you want to bring into your world, the first thing you do is visualize it. The practical actions you take to live the life you want to live always refer back to the pictures in your mind's eye. And so every goal you fulfill, every quest you carry out, every liberation you achieve, begins as an inner vision. Your imagination is the engine of your destiny. It's the catalyst with which you design your future.

. I've got to ask you: How is any of this even possible? What colossal secret intelligence or improbable series of fabulous accidents conspired to bestow upon you all these superpowers?

. Of the millions of things that have gone right for you during your time on Earth, the first was your birth. It was a difficult miracle that involved many people who worked very hard on your behalf. No less amazing is the fact that you have continued to bloom ever since then, with new cells being born within you all the time to replace the old cells that are dying.

. At this very moment, there are 50 trillion cells in your body, and each of them is really a sentient being in its own right. They all act together as a community, consecrating you with their breathtaking collaboration. It's just like magic.

. To celebrate our extreme good fortune, I invite you to sing praises and exaltations:

. Everywhere we look: glory

Every time we move: glory

Every step we take: soaring glory

Every breath we take: roaring glory

Soaring roaring uproarious glory

is our story

Soaring roaring uproarious glory

is our story

Rob Brezny

12/31/15 12:46am EST

It’s been awhile....

Hello https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPzfH8OH2e


2.17.16 https://vimeo.com/50118833 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ5DiR26ygE I thought of you

Duet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9CG_PoEWCg


Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise

For even breaking is opening

And I am broken

I’m open

Broken to the new light without pushing in

Open to the possibilities within, pushing out

See the love shine in through my cracks?

See the light shine out through me?

I am broken

I am open

I am broken open

See the love light shining through me

Shining through my cracks

Through the gaps

My spirit takes journey

My spirit takes flight

Could not have risen otherwise

And I am not running

I’m choosing

Running is not a choice from the breaking

Breaking is freeing

Broken is freedom

I am not broken

I’m free.

~ Spoken by Alike (Adepero Oduye) Pariah 2011

Written by Dee Rees


Friday, day after a "spicy" 8 day shift that included what the Ohana's called a "Dance party" & I called Movement Therapy- including this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYD1UkN_KGI + a shortened, intense & productive adult-ing 5 days off prior, including court-ing, tough love, sweating prayers & letting go. + *BONUS I didn't blow a circuit, body relatively pain free. No regrets. = I feel blessed (& still melancholy & anticipatory) to name only a few emotions I am experiencing.

It's a rainy day. Perfect for staying in, while all the housemates are out. Napping, Hot tub, views & surround sounds with these two. Content. Needed. Grateful.

https://soundcloud.com/tashablank/tracks & https://soundcloud.com/…/guided-meditation-for-pisces-new-m…

Excerpt from Embodying the Zodiac Imagine inside of yourself is the Ocean. Feel that gentle rocking. And the endless current. The dissolving of any structures that are left for any length of time. Feel the mystery of the underwater environment. The foreignness, the other world that exists within. And all manner of beings that look & function so differently. That breathe through water instead of ether. If the inside of your body was the ocean can you feel the swelling & the expansion? And can you feel this gentle, condensing, contracting? Like the tides rolling in & out. And as you breathe. And breathe thru the fluids that are in your body, this eternal ocean. Can you feel how the movement of your breathe can travel anywhere in your body? Movement of your breathe presses out into the surrounding tissues. And all tissues, of course, are mostly made of fluid. And the movement of fluid knows no boundary.